boys don't cry...

Depression is boring, even our role models are boring…… the bipolar sufferers get Kurt Cobain, the OCD’s get Joey Ramone.

We get John Kirwan.

Now I’m sure he’s a really nice guy and means well but there’s a difference between madness (as in a sexy, pale skin, dark eyeliner kind of way) and just plain madness (as in apricot with chicken kind of way) and this tips the scale towards the latter.

He’s put the cool factor of mental illness sufferers back a good few years and if I wasn’t so medicated that I can’t feel any emotion I’d be quite cross; us crazies have really only just recovered from the whole Brittany fiasco, and now this.

It’s the teenagers I feel the most sadness for. The highlight of a tortured adolescence is the knowledge that no one understands you, you know those sporty types are shallow and have the emotional IQ of, well, a rugby player.

What now for these teens?

I bet he doesn’t even know who Robert Smith is!

Dorothy Parker

I've come over all Dorothy Parker wanna be all of a sudden.
I've been thinking much about how when we are in emotionally stressful situations (not just relationship ones) we are not very good at being pithy and to the point and things are never plain and simple.
SO for you, dear reader I have created a wee note for your next relationship breakup (or perhaps, more likely, relationship breakup fantasy).

I left the house quite early,

It’s in a dreadful state

I’ve left the dishes in the sink

Something you always hate

I haven’t taken out the trash

Or recycled all the cans

The whole place needs a clean up

And I don’t give a damn

I’ve maxed up all the credit cards

And emptied the accounts

I’ll be billing you for services

….ludicrous amounts

No it’s not my usual style

I’m not being very nice

you always said I should be good

-I’m over your advice

Don’t wait up for me tonight

So I can wash your gear

Dinner won’t be waiting as

I’m leaving you my dear

advertising

I thought it was PMT but it turns out I’m just old and cynical.

I love looking at websites, seeing what images businesses offer to make us buy

We (the consumer) are presented with an image or benefit that we can have if we buy the product.

In my perfect world when an advertiser offered us a product and we didn’t identify with the image we’d let them know:

Here’s some examples to start:

Hi infomercial people, I noticed you offer a great new body for summer but your picture is of a thin woman, am I allowed to use your equipment? My partner would like to use your product too, she’s thin but brown, I don’t notice any Maori on your website, is she allowed to use it?

Hi pharmaceutical company, I like the look of your vitamins but all your images are of heterosexual couples, I’m gay, can I still take your pill or are they only for the straight community?

Terminal PMT

The question for the day.

Is blogging like writing a letter to the editor of a women’s magazine?

The truth is I frown upon those who write letters commenting on people they don’t know based on what they read, however, with a virtually terminal case of PMT and a really low pain threshold for stupid people it is safer for me to rant here.

Going out in public may risk the long term welfare of my children as I feel that it my be frowned upon by the long arm of the law if I met a stupid person who breathed funny and give them what I feel they deserve.

To the woman from the group who rang me 3 WEEKS after I emailed her for info and then told me I couldn’t really belong but would send through more information- it’s 4 weeks later and I still haven’t got your bloody information!!!

So why do you think I want to get your bloody newsletter email on the benefits of networking, cos you are clearly no expert so piss off.

Speaking of emails, if you are one of the dumb ass companies who don’t reply to emails that I’ve sent to your info address when I’m asking about the services you offer I would like to suggest you get an autoreply so that I don’t bother wasting my time following up on the email thinking you must have not received it. My suggestion for said autoreply would be “Dear customer, I know we said we would respond to your email but we lied cos we don’t want your money so piss off”. Then I’d get the message and piss off.

To the lady on the bus who felt the need to comment to me on the woman struggling with the buggy on the bus this morning, thank you for sharing but no I don’t think she looked like a mail order bride so piss off.

I’m now off to eat the contents of the fridge and give my girlfriend a lesson on how to fold the towels PROPERLY…

 so piss off.

school holidays

I had a few moments free this morning as the dishwasher was doing it’s thing so I took a look on the internet, it’s where I get all my best recipes you know and you can always find tips for removing those nasty stains from the sofa.

The kids were off somewhere walking the streets so I could relax a bit,  I just vacumned the once today and spent the spare time on the computer.

I’d downloaded a new recipe for bread and butter pudding I came across a list on some lovely website that had nice ladies exercising on it. It must have been hot as they weren’t wearing any clothes.

The lovely people at the website had a list of acronyms explained for the ‘beginner’, lovely.

Anyway it turns out that I should be getting out more, a couple of those thingamees we use instead of words mean totally different things to what I thought they did. 

Gosh, no wonder the ladies at the supermarket look at me funny!!!

G2G means Girl2Girl- I thought it meant Going to Gym, ooops wrong type of workout. 

FtM doesn’t mean Fulltime Mum.

FF is fist f**king not fruit flan, I’m now thinking that nice woman I met at the library hasn’t invited me to her place to swap recipes.

TOYS- this one got me excited, apparently this refers to dildos and vibrators.

I’m off to join the local toy library right now!!!!