New Year's resolutions

It’s that time of year again, so here’s a few tips to make your new year’s resolutions successful. Group hug!

1)   1)Don’t make them on the first of January. You have the mother of all hangovers, the bank is shut, and all the stocks of romanian orphans have been sold in the boxing day sales. The smart thing would be to wait til February, that way the holidays are over and you have only 11 months til you can start again.

2)  2) Join a facebook group. It’s just like doing the real thing but without the effort. Truly.

3)  3) Recycling is uber cool, why not re do last year’s resolutions. A word of warning her though, only repeat the fun ones or you’ll be stuck with another year of making the world a better place.

4)  4) Split your new year’s resolution with a friend. Sharing is fun. Take the usual new years resolution of eating more healthy food. Split it into 2 manageable portions, my half is to eat more food and leaving the healthy bit to my bestie.

Group hug.

I’m exhausted and it’s not even Christmas day yet!

It sounded like such a good idea in theory; staying on good terms with the ex’s; welcoming new partners, offspring and relatives into the mix; a bit like the Brady bunch or a Christmas cake.

To put it bluntly- the only thing nuclear in this family is Gran’s alcohol laced trifle (that’s my ex partner’s grandmother, as opposed to my grandmother or my ex husband’s grandmother or his new partner’s grandmother or my new partner’s grandmother).

The kids think it’s great (that’s my biological children, my ex husband’s biological children, my ex husband’s partner’s step children, my ex partner’s ex children, my current partner’s.., oh fuck… you know what I mean!), if I’m not up to standard in my motherly duties then there’s always a couple of spares to make up for my inadequacies.

The trouble comes, of course, in the holiday season.

A traditional separated family would have it all sorted out, one half of the day with Mum and one half with Dad, as set out in the custody agreement and set in stone or Nana’s scones, which are of a firmer texture (that’s my Nana by the way, on my mother’s side- I just have the one mum).

The obvious solution seemed to be a get together involving everyone, but the stadium has been booked already and air new Zealand didn’t have a spare plane.

So it’s back to the drawing board for me, while members of more traditional families wait for Christmas day for the family war I’m starting early.

If I play my cards right I’ll be relative free and be sleeping in on the 25^th.